Coppercapped, Spring of Year 177

There is a knock on the mayor's door. She rubs the bridge of her wide nose; probably another one of the idiot workers here to bother her with some trivial bother.

Mayor Utib Atkob: What is it, Bekar?

Bekar Taranunul the farmhand walks into the dimly-lit room. The dwarf is dirty and smells strongly of alcohol.

Farmhand Bekar Taranunul: Ma'am, pardon the intrusion, but our brewery is churning out alcohol faster than we can drink it.
Mayor Utib Atkob: That's the opposite of a problem.
Farmhand Bekar Taranunul: Well, we brewed everything edible in the fortress.
Mayor Utib Atkob: ...
Mayor Utib Atkob: Tell me, how many puppies do we have?
Farmhand Bekar Taranunul: Ma'am?
Mayor Utib Atkob: How many puppies do we currently have?
Farmhand Bekar Taranunul: About seventeen, why?
Mayor Utib Atkob: Well there's your solution.
Farmhand Bekar Taranunul: Excuse me? Are you suggesting we butcher innocent puppies?

This would be a recurring problem, and Utib was aware of it. Like most issues, she resolved them the way she best knew how.

Mayor Utib Atkob: Congratulations, you've been promoted to the axedwarf squad.
Axedwarf Bekar Taranunul: Isn't that the squad that keeps dying under mysterious circumstances?
Mayor Utib Atkob: Have fun and leave me alone.

Dwarf Fortress Stories | The Catapulted Minotaur

Imagine if you will a dwarven fortress of a name long-forgotten, in a hilly and forested area, taken by the untamed wilds and all that comes with them. Wild boars gaze through the woods while rangers sneak up on them. A crossbow bold flies, and a boar lies dead; a few more days worth of food is added to the fortress stores. The rangers drag the dead animal to the fortress gates to the West, a monstrously ugly wall of wood and stone, with towers on each side of a large drawbridge. The plan was to fill the moat with water and, eventually, lava, but for now it is a dismal hole. As the rangers pass the gates they gaze briefly upon the Hammer of Kruul before entering the fortress, eager to give their prize to the fortress butcher.

The Hammer of Kruul was the project a long-dead insane overseer took upon himself to build. It was not meant to save anyone, but rather act as a deterrent. The fortress had been besieged multiple times by armies of goblins, trolls, and cave dragons who all wished to plunder the riches that lay deep underground. There were rumours even of a dragon that the dwarves kept locked up in their dungeon somewhere, guarding mounds of gold coins and gems, but those horrors would not deter the sieging armies. The insane overseer then decided to himself that if the fortress would ever be taken, then he would make sure that the conquerors would die, and be left with smouldering ruins. So he built the Hammer of Kruul, a massive spire held by iron and steel supports, topped with a microcline "hammerhead". When activated, the spire would collapse, and be driven through the fortress as a stake through a man's heart, destroying all structures within, crushing any unfortunate soul caught under the tons of collapsing stone.

But years passed, and the Hammer of Kruul was mostly ignored, then forgotten, as the fortress prospered. The military trained, and fields of deadly traps were laid out, and while sieges would not stop, they would time and time again break themselves against the massive defences of the fortress. A generation of farmers were born under the shade of the weapon, knowing its power but never once fearing it. It was believed that it would never be activated, or that if activated it would be only once every other dwarf lay dead.

The watchdwarf on duty watched the rangers head back into the fortress before turning his attention to the woods. All his other watchdwarves colleagues had decided to call it a day, nominating him to stand alone while they went to grab a drink of rum. His eyes were droopy, and not for the first time he imagined himself being gored by a roaring minotaur, rushing him from out of the shadows. Only when the pain began to register did he realize he would die, as the minotaur, roaring, tore off one of his arms and shoved the limb down the dwarf's throat. A nearby woodcutter saw the horrid display, and blew his horn, alerting the rest of the fortress.

The fortress army was mobilized, and levers were thrown, beginning the lengthy mechanical process of raising the drawbridge. The military rushed through the hallways as each dwarf blew their alarm horn, as they were taught to do in an emergency. By the time the guardsdwarves reached the courtyard, the minotaur was standing on the drawbridge, eager to shed dwarven blood.

One thing a reader must know about dwarven engineering, however, is that while there may be a delay between a lever being pulled and a bridge being raised, the effects are usually extremely efficient, rapid, and occasionally violent. The drawbridge shot up into the air, raising with extreme speed and power, catapulting the startled minotaur through the air. The soldiers watched the creature fly through the air, higher and higher, until they lost sight of the beast. Baffled and panicking, they searched the grounds for one they called a megabeast, until one recruit spotted the beast - stranded high atom the Hammer of Kruul. The drawbridge had launched the monster hundreds of meters into the air, where he came to rest relatively unharmed upon the doomsday weapon. Once they were certain that the creature would remain trapped there, relatively harmless, the soldiers gave the signal, alert levels were dropped, and the fortress resumed its daily duties.

The current overseer, at the time, saw a slowly growing problem, however. The megabeast seemed to command a terrifying presence, and despite it being trapped, the farmers, woodcutters, and rangers would all be unwilling to leave the fortress, claiming a profound terror of the minotaur. While there was no real danger, the dwarves were, for all intents and purposes, trapped and entombed. As such, farms grew dry and dead, and the stockpiles would slowly run out. Emergency farms were attempted within the fortress in order to keep some food production going while the overseer came up with a solution, but they all failed to yield edible crops.

Twelve long years passed. Many dwarves were stricken with melancholy, as all efforts at reaching a new source of food or water failed. Underground caves, said to be able to yield crops, could not be found in time, and eventually the food stores ran out, mercifully before the numbing alcohol stores could be depleted. The current mayor, successor to the one who oversaw the fort's doom, was faced with a terrible choice. She could activate the Hammer of Kruul, thus killing the raging minotaur (how it remained alive without food or water was a mystery attributed to the cruelest of devils) and allowing the remaining farmers access to the outside world, where they might hope to rebuild the fortress. However, doing so would trap all but a few dwarves, dooming those who would not be crushed by the weapon's activation.

The mayor ordered a room dug out on the top level, and commanded five farmers, a stonemason, and a carpenter to seek shelter within - they would be spared the coming horror, and would be able to rebuild the fortress, possibly even save whichever survivor might remain. The door to their improvised bunker was locked, and after verifying that her plan would succeed, the mayor ordered the doomsday level pulled.

The Hammer of Kruul came crashing down. Many dwarves were instantly crushed to nothing when the tons of rock and debris fell on them, while dust and shards of stone and wood would choke and shred some close enough to the point of impact.

Those were the lucky ones.

The remaining underground dwarves were trapped, most dying of hunger in the coming weeks. In a cruel twist of fate, the immortal minotaur survived the weapon's activation, and landed on the second-to-deepest floor. Unharmed, it mauled the surviving dwarves of that level.

The dust settled, and the ground stopped shaking, and the surviving 7 dwarves, the lucky ones who were allowed respite from the apocalyptic collapse of their doomsday weapon, opened their doors. On the other side was a solid wall of microcline. The rocky "hammerhead" of the weapon had partially broken off during its activation, creating a wall of solid, dense rock between the survivors and freedom. Without a miner and a pickaxe to dig through, they were entombed.

Thus ends the story of that fortress, its name forgotten, the hilly and forested landscape around it slowly erased from maps and minds. The wood of its protective walls would rot over time, collapsing them, and wandering travellers would soon never even suspect that there had ever been anything of note there. But its legend would go on, spoken of around campfires and alluded to in songs.

The immortal minotaur presumably still roams the buried hallways of that doomed place.

Welcome to Othlestled (Part 1)

Click on images to expand. Enjoy!
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Events of the 5th of Felsite
Late-Spring of y.129

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, POINTLESS?" The angry dwarf woman's voice boomed throughout the hallway, making a few scribes drop the piles of documents they were carrying. No one saw the dwarf enter the Chief Architect's office, but everyone could hear her; already a small crowd had formed around the door, listening intently.

A few muffled words were spoken, which none could hear. "FINE," came the she-dwarf's voice, "I'LL BUILD THE DAMNED RESORT MYSELF, WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR HELP." The door swung open, knocking a few of the listeners down, and the shouting dwarf stormed out, mumbling about incompetent bureaucrats and the kingdom's lack of vision.

"Be reasonable!" The Chief Architect called out to the angry dwarf. "You'll only get yourself killed!" The angry dwarf simply flipped him the bird before walking out of sight. The architect sighed and went back to his business. Seriously, a beach-side resort? This was way above his non-existent pay grade. That mad miner wouldn't go through with it... would she? Nah, it would be pointless, and way too dangerous.


Journal of Kayla Melbilmerseth, 7th of Felsite
Late-Spring of y.129

Dangerous my ass! Don't they see the benefits of being the first and ONLY outpost dedicated to tourism? In this world where goblins sack entire fortresses almost daily basically never, where monstrosities roam the land freely the travelled roads are mostly safe, don't the civilised people of this world deserve to have a place where they can simply relax? I'm not asking the kingdom to just donate luxury accommodations, either; can't they see what this will do to our relationship with neighbouring lands? Not to mention the gold this will bring in!

I confided with Meat about my plans, and HE thinks we'd be able to do it. I even marked out on a map where we could go:

Right in the middle of the Realms of Enchantment, bordering the Gulf of Ghosts. Doesn't that sound like a nice, friendly, whimsical name?

Without approval, however, how will I get the dwarfpower to go through with

You know what, I don't care what the Chief Architect says. Or the Minister of Relocation and Expansion. Let the cowards stagnate. They can take their opinions and shove them. I can still hear their voices, their sneering and pessimistic voices:

They know jack shit! okay, to be fair they do have much more experience than I in making outposts and they may know what they're talking about I know we can do it, and we'll have the greatest (and first) resort the world has ever seen! Tomorrow, Meat and I will gather whichever dwarves we can find, and we'll set out. I heard the tavern is full of suckers adventurous dwarves seeking to push the frontier.


Events of the 14th of Malachite
Mid-Summer of y.129

The caravan rolled uncontrollably downhill, finally coming to a stop against a boulder. And by coming to a stop, I mean crashing violently. Axles broke, spokes were sundered, and it was clear to the small company running after the runaway vehicle that they wouldn't be moving it anymore.

The expedition leader, Kayla, stood over the remains of what amounted to her life savings. Together with Meat, a stoneworker, they had convinced five other dwarves to join them on this adventure, and what would they have to show for it?

That night, over a meagre fire, they entertained the notion of remaining there. At first they were distraught, but soon enough everyone started pitching ideas. Drunk on booze and mounting excitement, they "officially" claimed the land to be their own. Now, all that was left was naming it. Akhanyatin - a dishonourably-discharged axedwarf (something to do with elves, he never elaborated)  - drunkenly made an extremely crude joke about human women chests and high body temperature. Despite Kayla's objection, the other dwarves, drunk out of their minds, loved it, and were inspired to baptise the site:

Thus, Othlestled, "Scorchedracks" in the common tongue, was founded.


Journal of Kayla Melbilmerseth, 18th of Malachite
Mid-Summer of y.129

Welcome to the puckered sphincter of nowhere!

I've immediately ordered some trees chopped down and some berries gathered as soon as the sun came up until I finished digging us a small burrow where we can be sheltered. I still can't get over the choice of name... "Scorchedracks"? Seriously? Does that sound like the name of a place anyone would want to visit? Unfortunately if I change it now I doubt the other immature assjacks workers would stay, they seemed pretty keen on it... idiots.

I've dug us a small burrow where we've set up a farm and a few beds.

Akhan-whatever is creeping me out a little. He's spending his entire time swinging his axe at... nothing. I think there's something wrong with him.

Events of the 27th of Galena,
Late-Summer of y.129

Kaela stood on the cliff, looking out to the ocean. The day's work was particularly gruelling, digging out for stone deep underground, and secretly she worried about their food and drink stockpiles, but watching the waves crash against the shore calmed her.

Everything was off to a good start. The beaches were lined with debris, and her plans for a nice beachfront may not pan out considering the sand was this strange, ugly shade of brown, but she would make it work. Yawning, she made her way back into the burrow. The new season was just around the corner, and there was still much to do.

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A decent start, and I'm guessing something will come up eventually. Plans for next entry will involve making a trade depot, floor plans, and getting the stills up and running.

Jo's Dwarf Fortress Beginner's Beginner Tips

Personally, I like [Dwarf Fortress] because after climbing the damned learning cliff, I'm too elitist to consider not liking it.
- Aklyon, Dwarf Fortress forums

It's like if Tolkien taught your Geology 101 class, but you were drunk and playing the Sims during the lecture. Then you had a dream that got them all confused.
- nbonaparte, Dwarf Fortress forums

So you want to learn how to play Dwarf Fortress, eh?

Oh you're in for a treat.

And by treat I mean torture.

Some people I've spoken to have shown an interest in learning this colossal leviathan of a game, and anyone who plays knows how daunting that task can be. I've decided then to help my fellow man (or anything you may identify with) by providing a small beginner's guide and some tips to get you started!

Get the Lazy Newb Pack

So what's the Lazy Newb Pack? Well the Dwarf Fortress game you get out-of-the-box is somewhat excruciatingly difficult to learn, and there are some things in the base game that even the community thinks are too hard to use to actually be useful or fun; the vanilla military management is a prime example of obfuscation and complicated...ness... The Lazy Newb Pack (LNP) is a self-contained package of many different mods and utilities that greatly help with the installation of the game. I myself download it whenever a new version comes out (I don't want to deal with re-installing the correct version of every third-party utility I use). You don't have to use all features and utilities, in fact I would recommend against it, but the basics are there.

EDIT: The Lazy Newb Pack is no longer maintained with the most recent versions of Dwarf Fortress... I would recommend looking on the wiki for the most recent equivalent. They're mostly built on the same backends, and I've tested them as of v0.44.12 and they work pretty well.

Speaking of utilities...

Get familiarised with Dwarf Therapist

Dwarf Therapist is a utility (comes with the LNP, don't download your own version) that allows you to view all your dwarves in a simple spreadsheet-like environment, and allows you to assign their jobs, save job profiles, etc. It's a must-have (since assigning jobs in the base game is a pain in the rear posterior ass) for anyone playing the game!

Accept defeat, and remember that Losing is Fun!

This part is probably the most important part of this post, and is where a lot of people struggle with Dwarf Fortress; I think that has to do with the expectations people have about Dwarf Fortress, and about their own skill progression. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to famine or dehydration. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to a siege that was too big to handle. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to the murderous clowns you unleashed from the circus by mining through cotton candy (it makes sense in context, just trust me on this one).

And sooner or later you WILL create a fortress in a safe land where nothing happens, and where you can overcome every obstacle the game throws at you.

And you WILL find it boring.

Dwarf Fortress is a game about struggles, about learning from your mistakes and overcoming them. It's about getting a little better every time, and becoming bolder as a result. It's about embarking on progressively harsher landscapes, and struggling to survive. And eventually, you build a fortress that works, and you retire it to build another one in harsher lands.

The unofficial tagline of the game is "Losing is Fun!" because the struggle makes the game, here, and trying to keep a fortress together when it all inevitably goes wrong is where the fun is. If that's not for you, if you don't like struggling and losing repeatedly as you slowly become better, then this game is not for you, and that's okay. Like I say repeatedly, DF is not for everyone.

If, however, all those things I mentioned above don't discourage you, and in fact seems enjoyable, then in DF you will find a deep and engaging game that will occupy your darkest hours in the night. You will find a vibrant community which will:

[...] routinely talk about kitten slaughter, the best methods to immolate creatures without destroying their stuff, or how to produce 'children' with personality problems beyond the dream of psychoanalysts but no one is going to insult your mother.
- hiroshi42, Dwarf Fortress forums

Find a (good) tutorial

Finally, I would suggest finding a lengthy tutorial. If you were expecting to find one here, well, I ain't gonna do that. Entire books have been written about how to play Dwarf Fortress (friends and colleagues: I carry my copy almost everywhere if you want to peruse it). I am always happy to provide information and help to anyone who needs it, but I simply do not have the time right now to write a whole tutorial.

Before looking for a tutorial online, you will have to remember that Dwarf Fortress is mainly a game about learning how to do stuff yourself, and as such most tutorials will teach just the basic controls and very basic fortress management strategies (such as digging, farming, military training, etc cetera), and that's okay.

With that in mind, I strongly suggest people take a look at The Complete and Utterly Newby Tutorial for Dwarf Fortress. It's how I started, and I think it's pretty great. It deals with an older version of Dwarf Fortress, which you can download directly from the site, but most of what it teaches is still relevant and required to know in the modern DF (which you'll get as part of the LNP, right?). It's a great starting point, and will teach you all the basics you'll need to get started!

So, in conclusion...

So that's it! I'll probably add on to this post as time goes by whenever I can think of something else that might help beginners. Let me know if you have any questions, I'll be happy to address them. Happy learning!

DF: An American Werekangaroo in Locunmisten (Part 2)

I apologize for the lack of screenshots in this update, it’s just… well, you’ll see.

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Mid-Summer, Year 105

Some merchants have finally arrived from the nearby human settlement, and they brought with them some much-needed supplies. The exotic fruits and animals we purchased will fill our bellies for months to come, or will provide some much-needed entertainment; my fellow countrymen are getting tired, and wary, and that makes them edgy, prone to accidents.

I’ve ordered the courtyard to be extended towards the end of our territory. I intend to build this fortress under- and above-ground, and such a passageway could then be smoothed, paved, and lined with statues. Locunmisten shall be more glorious than our own Mountainhome!

Late-Summer, Year 105 

“The Werekangaroo Nguslu Kutsmobogu has come! A large kangaroo twisted into humanoid form. It is crazed for blood and flesh. Its eyes grow green. Its sepia hair is long and shaggy. Now you will know why you fear the night."

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??

This… this abomination has appeared near the edge of our fortress. The creature immediately set upon a stray yak bull and my fellow woodworker Tholtig, tearing them apart. It then started chasing Lolor back to the fortress, and managed to bite off his hand before the human caravan guards attacked the beast. They fought bravely, and in the end they slew the fell beast, but not before having one of their own brutally mauled.

The loss of Tholtig will weight heavy on our hearts, but Lolor’s mauling will hurt us more in the long-run; we’re already swimming in wood logs, and I can pick up the slack in terms of woodcrafting, but losing a farmer would be devastating. I hope he survives...

Late-Summer, Year 105

The attack yesterday has brought our glaring lack of protection into light. Whether the Werekangaroo knew we were here or whether it wandered here on its own is of little consequence; ask Tholtig. I think Lolor will survive, thank Armok, but with the merchants leaving we will soon be defenceless.

Late-Summer, Year 105

Lolor just turned into a fucking Werekangaroo, right in the middle of the FUCKING DINING HALL, where EVERYONE WAS EATING. He immediately set upon a dog, tearing it apart, and then attacked Sarvesh and Eshtan, ripping them apart. I couldn’t do much, and may Armok forgive me, but I ordered the doors to the dining hall locked, trying to save the rest of the fortress. Vabok was still inside...

I will wait, and hopefully Lolor will starve in there. There’s nothing we can do for him if he’s going to turn and kill us all. I’m sorry Vabok. I’m sorry everyone. We will make sure your sacrifices will not be in vain.

Early-Autumn, Year 105

All is lost.

I thought that by locking that monster within the dining hall, ironically devoid of food or water, would solve our problems long enough for migrants to arrive, but the creature tore the door down like it was paper. Poor Bim… he tried to run, but the Werekangaroo picked him up, and like a rag doll shook him around until he literally broke apart.

I locked myself in my room with some supplies, but I know there is no escape. Perhaps I can wait for Lolor to turn back into dwarf, and maybe I can make a run for it, but I can hear it pacing outside of my door. Any moment now, it’s going to tear down my door...

Any moment now...

The next few pages of the tome are drenched in blood. having seemingly laid in it for some time. The librarian claims it was brought back to the Mountainhome by some beast-man, and you are inclined to believe her. What is certain now is that there is likely no survivors left of Locunmisten, and that the fort’s history will eventually be lost in the annals of time, an unremarkable and forgotten mark on the world...

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Well that was... definitely the shortest-lived fortress I've managed. I thought that megabeases such as the Werekangaroo would take longer to show up, so I delayed setting up defences, but I guess I was wrong...

As you can see above, a dwarf bitten by a werebeast has a large chance of changing into a werebeast themselves, rapidly causing the death of everyone within your fortress.

So that's it for Locunmisten! That was much shorter than what I was hoping for, so I may post other fortresses, or perhaps just short Dwarf Fortress stories, we'll see. I'm currently working on another fortress (in order to get a feel for the most recent version of DF), and I'm also cooking up something for the TS4 series I've got, so, Beautiful Reader, stay tuned!

J

DF: Welcome to Locunmisten (Part 1)

A quick note for you, Beautiful Reader, before we begin. You may notice me changing the style of the blog a few times. I'm just trying to find something that goes well with what I'm writing, but that is also easy on the eyes. Enjoy!

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You pick up the old, leather-bound tome. It feels heavy and fragile, as though it would dissolve into dust at the faintest breeze. It is encircled with bands of iron and decorated with ash wood. On the item is an image of dwarves in granite. The dwarves are travelling. The artwork relates to the founding of Locunmisten by Tulon Uzoludist in 105.

The writing inside the tome is ornate, precise, and densely packed, although not much of the tome seems filled, and a sizeable portion of it looks stained in blood. It is with a scholar’s mind that you sit down, ready to read the story of Locunmisten.

Early Winter, Year 104

It’s been seven months since graduation and I’m finally ready to receive my first Overseer assignment. About time, too; sitting around with my thumbs up my ass was getting old. Clerical work isn’t too bad, and they got me chopping wood for the winter, but I want to leave my mark on the world, and I didn’t spend 5 years studying to make tables and chairs.

Of course, I have to write an Overseer’s journal to keep a record of how everything will go. Failure to do so, I was told, would result in severe, umm, “hammerings”.

Early Winter, Year 104

I finally got the list of the six dwarves that will make the journey with me. The others each have various areas of expertise, but I don’t think that will be the most efficient use of their talents. I think I'll streamline the various jobs into broad categories:

I’ve highlighted my own name for clarity’s sake, and I guess I’ll be working as a woodworker for the time being. Everyone has to pitch in, after all.

Note: For this first part, there will be a few notes I will jot down to help newcomers understand what is happening in the game. Those of you familiar to the game can skip those if you want, and those not interested in playing can skip the tips I put there; however, reading the notes will still help you understand. The image above shows an app called Dwarf Therapist which helps with assigning jobs to dwarves.

Tip: Although there are many ways of defining jobs, there does not seem to be any single “right” way of doing this. I prefer to have dwarves sorted into broad categories instead of having over-specialized dwarves, but that’s not really the norm from what I’ve seen. Don’t worry too much about job specialties: you can always change them later!

That list was given to me directly by the queen, by Zasit Fucking Betandodok. I always thought she was an ineffectual diplomat, and the meeting only confirmed it; she seemed only half-interested, and ended the discussion with “Ok, see ya, don’t get yourself killed too soon.” Regardless, she said I would be the first Overseer of the Locunmisten outpost - or “Riseportals” in the common tongue - and I’ll be damned if it won’t grow to be the greatest outpost that stuck-up noble has ever seen. She mentioned something about there being lots of trees, and to be wary of angering elves or something, but I wasn’t paying too much attention at that point.

We’re leaving two days from now, I’ll update you when we get there.

Early Spring, Year 105

After two months of trekking through the mountains West of here, we finally made it to the site. Now that I’m here, I’m not too certain about the site. There’s a large hill to the West, towards the mountains, but there are a lot of trees. Whatever, for better or worse, this is where Locunmisten will rise.

Early Spring, Year 105

Yesterday I’ve surveyed the site a bit, and I think we’ll create the fortress opening slightly lower than where we ended up stopping. I’ll dig out a courtyard at a later date. Maybe this’ll help defend the fortress from the local kobold tribes.

Note: Ok, there are quite a few things I need to point out in the above image. First of all, in the lower-right corner you’ll see a number, 144. This is the current z-level, or height; 143 is one level below, and 145 is one level above. Second, pay attention to the rest of the screen, since there will be many recurring items. First, the two brown circles near the bottom of the open area are tree trunks (in fact, there’s a woodcutter next to the right-most one). Next, the black area is undiscovered, un-dug rock or soil. The coloured blocks surrounding the open area are walls, and by the colour we can see that the top half is soil while the bottom half is clay (not really important to know). The green triangles you see are ramps, meaning that there is a slope at that location to the above levels. Finally, the brown line extending to the left is a designated area for digging. Miners, when available, will dig those blocks.

I’ve also asked Tholtig (the other woodcutter) to survey the area for any wild beasts, and he came back and told me that the surrounding land is peaceful, save for a small roaming family of pigs. I’ll have to keep an eye out for those.

Mid-Spring, Year 105

About a month and a half has gone by, and we’re doing pretty well. I asked the miners to dig out a passage way to the front gate for protection, and it went pretty well. We’re drowning in wood logs, and so I think we’ll have no problem creating bins and barrels in the future.

I’ve created a carpenter’s shop and placed orders doors and beds. I’ll create a small dorm near the entrance: Overseeing Management Principles Vol. 1 states that those dorms are useful and can be repurposed as barracks later on.

Mid-Spring, Year 105

Disaster struck today. While digging out the courtyard, a portion of the ceiling a miner was standing on collapsed. A rock fell on my head, and the miner got his chest crushed, but I think we’ll be okay.

Late-Spring, Year 105

We’re almost done with spring, and so I’ve asked the miners to dig out some places for farms. We’ll grow some plump helmets first, those delicious mushrooms, and see if we can maybe grow some dimple cups later on. So far, food is not a worry, although alcohol is making itself scarce, and we’re surrounded with vegetation so we can live off of scavenging for the time being.

And with that, summer has arrived. 

Let’s Play: Dwarf Fortress (Part 0)

Come on guys, we have a nice settlement, why don't you stick around? Was it the ashen wasteland? The bloodstained gates? Was it the screams of madmen or the stench of death? We've got awful nice engravings of some fucking cheese here, come the fuck on in!
- Cross Quantum, Boatmurdered 

Dwarves are a renewable resource anyway.
- Kippling, Headshoots

Where to begin? I’ve wanted to do a Let’s Play of Dwarf Fortress (DF) for a while now, and I think the time has finally come for me to write down some of my adventures. Last Monday I sat down, launched the game, and embarked upon a journey to create an immense fortress filled with gold, silver, and blood. I absolutely love DF, and I wanted to bring this love to my friends the only way I know how; by telling a story.

For those who aren’t familiar with the game, DF is a free indie construction and management simulation video game set in a procedurally generated fantasy world. No, it's not Minecraft. You indirectly control a group of dwarves (alcoholic, bipolar psychopaths) into creating a fortress. The game simulates the needs, wants, and moods of all your dwarves, and simulates injuries down to nerve tissue, muscle, and bones. The game is extremely complex, has text-based graphics, and is open-ended.

It is also extremely rewarding once you know how to play.

However, DF is possibly one of the most difficult games in existence. Even in peaceful lands, goblins lay siege to your fortress while forgotten beasts from the depths of the earths rise up to maul your dwarves. Elephants trample, unicorns gore, and dragons melt the flesh off of dwarves with their flaming breath.

And darker fates await those who delve into deeper caves.

So, how will this Let’s Play, err, play out? Well, I’m going to play Dwarf Fortress and recount the tale of the dwarves living there until their presumably gruesome fate. Of course, you, beautiful reader, also has a role to play in this story. I invite you to influence the course of history by providing input on what you want me to do next, or on how to manage the fortress. Also, if you want I will name a dwarf after you (provided there is a dwarf left to name) and provide you with updates of your named dwarf. I will also try to post hints to the game in some posts in order to help budding Dwarf Fortress players.

Now, sit back and enjoy my Let’s Play: Dwarf Fortress. The first update should come up later this week, so stay tuned! EDIT: Might come in a bit later than that... a few hours into the fortress I realize I embarked in a peaceful land, meaning no wars or sieges.

And remember: Losing is Fun!

Stay safe, I love you all, hugs and kisses,

Jo