Monday, July 10, 2017

Dwarf Fortress Stories | The Catapulted Minotaur

Imagine if you will a dwarven fortress of a name long-forgotten, in a hilly and forested area, taken by the untamed wilds and all that comes with them. Wild boars gaze through the woods while rangers sneak up on them. A crossbow bold flies, and a boar lies dead; a few more days worth of food is added to the fortress stores. The rangers drag the dead animal to the fortress gates to the West, a monstrously ugly wall of wood and stone, with towers on each side of a large drawbridge. The plan was to fill the moat with water and, eventually, lava, but for now it is a dismal hole. As the rangers pass the gates they gaze briefly upon the Hammer of Kruul before entering the fortress, eager to give their prize to the fortress butcher.

The Hammer of Kruul was the project a long-dead insane overseer took upon himself to build. It was not meant to save anyone, but rather act as a deterrent. The fortress had been besieged multiple times by armies of goblins, trolls, and cave dragons who all wished to plunder the riches that lay deep underground. There were rumours even of a dragon that the dwarves kept locked up in their dungeon somewhere, guarding mounds of gold coins and gems, but those horrors would not deter the sieging armies. The insane overseer then decided to himself that if the fortress would ever be taken, then he would make sure that the conquerors would die, and be left with smouldering ruins. So he built the Hammer of Kruul, a massive spire held by iron and steel supports, topped with a microcline "hammerhead". When activated, the spire would collapse, and be driven through the fortress as a stake through a man's heart, destroying all structures within, crushing any unfortunate soul caught under the tons of collapsing stone.

But years passed, and the Hammer of Kruul was mostly ignored, then forgotten, as the fortress prospered. The military trained, and fields of deadly traps were laid out, and while sieges would not stop, they would time and time again break themselves against the massive defences of the fortress. A generation of farmers were born under the shade of the weapon, knowing its power but never once fearing it. It was believed that it would never be activated, or that if activated it would be only once every other dwarf lay dead.

The watchdwarf on duty watched the rangers head back into the fortress before turning his attention to the woods. All his other watchdwarves colleagues had decided to call it a day, nominating him to stand alone while they went to grab a drink of rum. His eyes were droopy, and not for the first time he imagined himself being gored by a roaring minotaur, rushing him from out of the shadows. Only when the pain began to register did he realize he would die, as the minotaur, roaring, tore off one of his arms and shoved the limb down the dwarf's throat. A nearby woodcutter saw the horrid display, and blew his horn, alerting the rest of the fortress.

The fortress army was mobilized, and levers were thrown, beginning the lengthy mechanical process of raising the drawbridge. The military rushed through the hallways as each dwarf blew their alarm horn, as they were taught to do in an emergency. By the time the guardsdwarves reached the courtyard, the minotaur was standing on the drawbridge, eager to shed dwarven blood.

One thing a reader must know about dwarven engineering, however, is that while there may be a delay between a lever being pulled and a bridge being raised, the effects are usually extremely efficient, rapid, and occasionally violent. The drawbridge shot up into the air, raising with extreme speed and power, catapulting the startled minotaur through the air. The soldiers watched the creature fly through the air, higher and higher, until they lost sight of the beast. Baffled and panicking, they searched the grounds for one they called a megabeast, until one recruit spotted the beast - stranded high atom the Hammer of Kruul. The drawbridge had launched the monster hundreds of meters into the air, where he came to rest relatively unharmed upon the doomsday weapon. Once they were certain that the creature would remain trapped there, relatively harmless, the soldiers gave the signal, alert levels were dropped, and the fortress resumed its daily duties.

The current overseer, at the time, saw a slowly growing problem, however. The megabeast seemed to command a terrifying presence, and despite it being trapped, the farmers, woodcutters, and rangers would all be unwilling to leave the fortress, claiming a profound terror of the minotaur. While there was no real danger, the dwarves were, for all intents and purposes, trapped and entombed. As such, farms grew dry and dead, and the stockpiles would slowly run out. Emergency farms were attempted within the fortress in order to keep some food production going while the overseer came up with a solution, but they all failed to yield edible crops.

Twelve long years passed. Many dwarves were stricken with melancholy, as all efforts at reaching a new source of food or water failed. Underground caves, said to be able to yield crops, could not be found in time, and eventually the food stores ran out, mercifully before the numbing alcohol stores could be depleted. The current mayor, successor to the one who oversaw the fort's doom, was faced with a terrible choice. She could activate the Hammer of Kruul, thus killing the raging minotaur (how it remained alive without food or water was a mystery attributed to the cruelest of devils) and allowing the remaining farmers access to the outside world, where they might hope to rebuild the fortress. However, doing so would trap all but a few dwarves, dooming those who would not be crushed by the weapon's activation.

The mayor ordered a room dug out on the top level, and commanded five farmers, a stonemason, and a carpenter to seek shelter within - they would be spared the coming horror, and would be able to rebuild the fortress, possibly even save whichever survivor might remain. The door to their improvised bunker was locked, and after verifying that her plan would succeed, the mayor ordered the doomsday level pulled.

The Hammer of Kruul came crashing down. Many dwarves were instantly crushed to nothing when the tons of rock and debris fell on them, while dust and shards of stone and wood would choke and shred some close enough to the point of impact.

Those were the lucky ones.

The remaining underground dwarves were trapped, most dying of hunger in the coming weeks. In a cruel twist of fate, the immortal minotaur survived the weapon's activation, and landed on the second-to-deepest floor. Unharmed, it mauled the surviving dwarves of that level.

The dust settled, and the ground stopped shaking, and the surviving 7 dwarves, the lucky ones who were allowed respite from the apocalyptic collapse of their doomsday weapon, opened their doors. On the other side was a solid wall of microcline. The rocky "hammerhead" of the weapon had partially broken off during its activation, creating a wall of solid, dense rock between the survivors and freedom. Without a miner and a pickaxe to dig through, they were entombed.

Thus ends the story of that fortress, its name forgotten, the hilly and forested landscape around it slowly erased from maps and minds. The wood of its protective walls would rot over time, collapsing them, and wandering travellers would soon never even suspect that there had ever been anything of note there. But its legend would go on, spoken of around campfires and alluded to in songs.

The immortal minotaur presumably still roams the buried hallways of that doomed place.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Ever Oasis | Of Seedlings And Sirens

Source: Nintendo UK
So not too long ago - actually a few days ago - I used some leftover Nintendo eShop credits to get myself a birthday present in the form of Ever Oasis, an action-adventure RPG (whatever that can mean, I'll get to that) for the Nintendo 3DS. It's been described as a mixture of Animal Crossing and Rune Factory, and I've read in one place that it was a spiritual successor to the X of Mana series. Now, having never played a Mana game before (I've heard that's how we call them?) I can't attest for the latter part.

Being a long-time fan of both Animal Crossing and Rune Factory, however, I have to disagree with the first part.

People who draw the parallels between Ever Oasis and Animal Crossing point out the latter's village-management system while ignoring the fact that the system is only proper to Animal Crossing: New Leaf, and is not what one would define the series with. To say so would be to draw similarities between Ever Oasis and Mario Kart 8 because both games feature some form of character customization because, you know, you can customize karts in Mario Kart? Ok maybe my analogy there falls flat and is a little stretched, but my point is that most Animal Crossing fans, while absolutely loving the village-management aspect of the game, are mostly attracted to the series for its relaxing vibes and calm atmosphere, slice-of-life type gaming. This aspect, sadly, was not found in Ever Oasis by myself. And as a fan of slice-of-life games, that was a real let-down, having purchased the game following the judicious reading of reviews that lauded those parallels.

Similarly, people drawing comparisons between Ever Oasis and Rune Factory applaud the dungeon crawling, but while there are definitely more parallels to be drawn here I can't help but feel that a parallel with any The Legend of Zelda game would be more appropriate.

Noo, a Noot, a genderless Noot. RAY, A DROP OF GOLDEN-
Source: Gamespot
In terms of story, Ever Oasis doesn't really diverge from your standard fantasy RPG video game plot; you play as Tethi (female) or Tethu (male), a young Seedling with the power to grow oases within the vast stretching desert around you. Your journey begins at the oasis of your brother when it gets suddenly destroyed by Chaos, some kind of primordial eldritch force that corrupts everything it touches. (Seriously the Doomed Hometown trope gets applied here faster than anywhere else I've seen...) It is up to you to create an oasis that will be incorruptible by the Chaos.

Along the way, travellers can come to your Oasis as residents or travellers, with the former settling down after doing some tasks for them and the latter buying stock from your stores. From what I've seen, that is the bulk of the village-management system. By performing small tasks, travellers can become residents, which you can bring along for some dungeon delving or help them grow shops (get it? because they're Seedlings?) for Noots (see above) to buy from.

You do all that with the help of Esna, a water spirit which is really a Siren regardless of what the game says she looks and acts like a Siren even though they say she's a water spirit I'll continue calling her a Siren. Esna the Siren acts a little like a fairy companion, badgering you non-stop about what your next objective might be. Seriously at one point a potential resident asked me "Could you do X please?", then I was redirected to my quest journal which told me "You have to do X", followed by fucking Esna saying "Hey! I think it would be a good idea to do X!" like I'm some kind of spaz with the attention span of a fucking goldfish.

That being said, Esna is charming and adorable and I love her.

Tethu and Esna building their oasis together is rather heartwarming to observe, but I can't help but feel a little weird about this scene in particular. Is it only me?
Source: Nintendo France


All characters, actually, have a strong charm to them, and you can't help but feel some form of attachment to them. The character design is simplistic and elegant, with Seedlings adopting the chibi art style. The game itself is beautiful, with environments finely crafted with an Ancient Egyptian motif, the oasis itself being particularly beautiful at night with elegant light contrasts.
While I haven't done much in the way of dungeon delving - and thus won't elaborate too much on it at this time - it feels very much like in The Legend of Zelda, and reminds me strongly of Ocarina of Time or Majora's Mask. The combat is simple and fun, but I'm worried it might get a little repetitive over time.

My first few hours into the game have left a good impression overall; while not the slice-of-life game I was expecting, it nonetheless provides a charming and beautiful experience. Honestly, the whole game plays and feels a little like a mobile game, and not in a bad way. Most actions, from collecting money from shops to harvesting resources in the world outside your oasis, carry that satisfyingly addicting quality that permeates mobile games. You know the one, the same feeling you get by tapping your screen and seeing money or coins or whatever get added to your hoard? I'm standing alone here? Oh whatever.

Tethi, the female protagonist, does not appear in much promotional material, but I love her design.
Source: Nintendo
In short, Ever Oasis is a charming, relaxing, stress-less game. I would recommend it to anyone looking for a simple RPG with some village-management elements. Yes I've run out of steam at this point.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Welcome to Othlestled (Part 1)

Click on images to expand. Enjoy!
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Events of the 5th of Felsite
Late-Spring of y.129

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, POINTLESS?" The angry dwarf woman's voice boomed throughout the hallway, making a few scribes drop the piles of documents they were carrying. No one saw the dwarf enter the Chief Architect's office, but everyone could hear her; already a small crowd had formed around the door, listening intently.

A few muffled words were spoken, which none could hear. "FINE," came the she-dwarf's voice, "I'LL BUILD THE DAMNED RESORT MYSELF, WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR HELP." The door swung open, knocking a few of the listeners down, and the shouting dwarf stormed out, mumbling about incompetent bureaucrats and the kingdom's lack of vision.

"Be reasonable!" The Chief Architect called out to the angry dwarf. "You'll only get yourself killed!" The angry dwarf simply flipped him the bird before walking out of sight. The architect sighed and went back to his business. Seriously, a beach-side resort? This was way above his non-existent pay grade. That mad miner wouldn't go through with it... would she? Nah, it would be pointless, and way too dangerous.


Journal of Kayla Melbilmerseth, 7th of Felsite
Late-Spring of y.129

Dangerous my ass! Don't they see the benefits of being the first and ONLY outpost dedicated to tourism? In this world where goblins sack entire fortresses almost daily basically never, where monstrosities roam the land freely the travelled roads are mostly safe, don't the civilised people of this world deserve to have a place where they can simply relax? I'm not asking the kingdom to just donate luxury accommodations, either; can't they see what this will do to our relationship with neighbouring lands? Not to mention the gold this will bring in!

I confided with Meat about my plans, and HE thinks we'd be able to do it. I even marked out on a map where we could go:


Right in the middle of the Realms of Enchantment, bordering the Gulf of Ghosts. Doesn't that sound like a nice, friendly, whimsical name?

Without approval, however, how will I get the dwarfpower to go through with

You know what, I don't care what the Chief Architect says. Or the Minister of Relocation and Expansion. Let the cowards stagnate. They can take their opinions and shove them. I can still hear their voices, their sneering and pessimistic voices:


They know jack shit! okay, to be fair they do have much more experience than I in making outposts and they may know what they're talking about I know we can do it, and we'll have the greatest (and first) resort the world has ever seen! Tomorrow, Meat and I will gather whichever dwarves we can find, and we'll set out. I heard the tavern is full of suckers adventurous dwarves seeking to push the frontier.


Events of the 14th of Malachite
Mid-Summer of y.129

The caravan rolled uncontrollably downhill, finally coming to a stop against a boulder. And by coming to a stop, I mean crashing violently. Axles broke, spokes were sundered, and it was clear to the small company running after the runaway vehicle that they wouldn't be moving it anymore.

The expedition leader, Kayla, stood over the remains of what amounted to her life savings. Together with Meat, a stoneworker, they had convinced five other dwarves to join them on this adventure, and what would they have to show for it?

That night, over a meagre fire, they entertained the notion of remaining there. At first they were distraught, but soon enough everyone started pitching ideas. Drunk on booze and mounting excitement, they "officially" claimed the land to be their own. Now, all that was left was naming it. Akhanyatin - a dishonourably-discharged axedwarf (something to do with elves, he never elaborated)  - drunkenly made an extremely crude joke about human women chests and high body temperature. Despite Kayla's objection, the other dwarves, drunk out of their minds, loved it, and were inspired to baptise the site:


Thus, Othlestled, "Scorchedracks" in the common tongue, was founded.


Journal of Kayla Melbilmerseth, 18th of Malachite
Mid-Summer of y.129

Welcome to the puckered sphincter of nowhere!


I've immediately ordered some trees chopped down and some berries gathered as soon as the sun came up until I finished digging us a small burrow where we can be sheltered. I still can't get over the choice of name... "Scorchedracks"? Seriously? Does that sound like the name of a place anyone would want to visit? Unfortunately if I change it now I doubt the other immature assjacks workers would stay, they seemed pretty keen on it... idiots.


I've dug us a small burrow where we've set up a farm and a few beds.


Akhan-whatever is creeping me out a little. He's spending his entire time swinging his axe at... nothing. I think there's something wrong with him.



Events of the 27th of Galena,
Late-Summer of y.129

Kaela stood on the cliff, looking out to the ocean. The day's work was particularly gruelling, digging out for stone deep underground, and secretly she worried about their food and drink stockpiles, but watching the waves crash against the shore calmed her.


Everything was off to a good start. The beaches were lined with debris, and her plans for a nice beachfront may not pan out considering the sand was this strange, ugly shade of brown, but she would make it work. Yawning, she made her way back into the burrow. The new season was just around the corner, and there was still much to do.


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A decent start, and I'm guessing something will come up eventually. Plans for next entry will involve making a trade depot, floor plans, and getting the stills up and running.

Monday, December 12, 2016

An Open Letter About Pet Adoption During the Holidays

Dear readers,

Every year thousands of pets are sent to kennels because well-minded people adopt them, thinking they would make good gifts for their children and/or loved ones, not knowing what taking care of a pet is like.

These pets could have lived a long and happy life, but shortsightedness can kill them. Think before you adopt a pet; this may be an ephemeral decision for you, but for them it's their entire lives.

When you adopt, it's for life.

Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!
Jonathan

"Their first Christmas", "Their second Christmas", "Adoption is an informed act"
Image belongs to SPA Beauce-Etchemin, used without permission. (please contact me!)

Monday, October 31, 2016

Jo's Dwarf Fortress Beginner's Beginner Tips

Personally, I like [Dwarf Fortress] because after climbing the damned learning cliff, I'm too elitist to consider not liking it.
- Aklyon, Dwarf Fortress forums
It's like if Tolkien taught your Geology 101 class, but you were drunk and playing the Sims during the lecture. Then you had a dream that got them all confused.
- nbonaparte, Dwarf Fortress forums
So you want to learn how to play Dwarf Fortress, eh?

Oh you're in for a treat.

And by treat I mean torture.

Some people I've spoken to have shown an interest in learning this colossal leviathan of a game, and anyone who plays knows how daunting that task can be. I've decided then to help my fellow man (or anything you may identify with) by providing a small beginner's guide and some tips to get you started!

Get the Lazy Newb Pack


So what's the Lazy Newb Pack? Well the Dwarf Fortress game you get out-of-the-box is somewhat excruciatingly difficult to learn, and there are some things in the base game that even the community thinks are too hard to use to actually be useful or fun; the vanilla military management is a prime example of obfuscation and complicated...ness... The Lazy Newb Pack (LNP) is a self-contained package of many different mods and utilities that greatly help with the installation of the game. I myself download it whenever a new version comes out (I don't want to deal with re-installing the correct version of every third-party utility I use). You don't have to use all features and utilities, in fact I would recommend against it, but the basics are there.

EDIT: The Lazy Newb Pack is no longer maintained with the most recent versions of Dwarf Fortress... I would recommend looking on the wiki for the most recent equivalent. They're mostly built on the same backends, and I've tested them as of v0.44.12 and they work pretty well.

Speaking of utilities...

Get familiarised with Dwarf Therapist


Dwarf Therapist is a utility (comes with the LNP, don't download your own version) that allows you to view all your dwarves in a simple spreadsheet-like environment, and allows you to assign their jobs, save job profiles, etc. It's a must-have (since assigning jobs in the base game is a pain in the rear posterior ass) for anyone playing the game!

Accept defeat, and remember that Losing is Fun!


This part is probably the most important part of this post, and is where a lot of people struggle with Dwarf Fortress; I think that has to do with the expectations people have about Dwarf Fortress, and about their own skill progression. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to famine or dehydration. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to a siege that was too big to handle. Sooner or later, you WILL lose a fortress to the murderous clowns you unleashed from the circus by mining through cotton candy (it makes sense in context, just trust me on this one).

And sooner or later you WILL create a fortress in a safe land where nothing happens, and where you can overcome every obstacle the game throws at you.

And you WILL find it boring.

Dwarf Fortress is a game about struggles, about learning from your mistakes and overcoming them. It's about getting a little better every time, and becoming bolder as a result. It's about embarking on progressively harsher landscapes, and struggling to survive. And eventually, you build a fortress that works, and you retire it to build another one in harsher lands.

The unofficial tagline of the game is "Losing is Fun!" because the struggle makes the game, here, and trying to keep a fortress together when it all inevitably goes wrong is where the fun is. If that's not for you, if you don't like struggling and losing repeatedly as you slowly become better, then this game is not for you, and that's okay. Like I say repeatedly, DF is not for everyone.

If, however, all those things I mentioned above don't discourage you, and in fact seems enjoyable, then in DF you will find a deep and engaging game that will occupy your darkest hours in the night. You will find a vibrant community which will:
[...] routinely talk about kitten slaughter, the best methods to immolate creatures without destroying their stuff, or how to produce 'children' with personality problems beyond the dream of psychoanalysts but no one is going to insult your mother.
- hiroshi42, Dwarf Fortress forums

Find a (good) tutorial


Finally, I would suggest finding a lengthy tutorial. If you were expecting to find one here, well, I ain't gonna do that. Entire books have been written about how to play Dwarf Fortress (friends and colleagues: I carry my copy almost everywhere if you want to peruse it). I am always happy to provide information and help to anyone who needs it, but I simply do not have the time right now to write a whole tutorial.

Before looking for a tutorial online, you will have to remember that Dwarf Fortress is mainly a game about learning how to do stuff yourself, and as such most tutorials will teach just the basic controls and very basic fortress management strategies (such as digging, farming, military training, etc cetera), and that's okay.

With that in mind, I strongly suggest people take a look at The Complete and Utterly Newby Tutorial for Dwarf Fortress. It's how I started, and I think it's pretty great. It deals with an older version of Dwarf Fortress, which you can download directly from the site, but most of what it teaches is still relevant and required to know in the modern DF (which you'll get as part of the LNP, right?). It's a great starting point, and will teach you all the basics you'll need to get started!

So, in conclusion...


So that's it! I'll probably add on to this post as time goes by whenever I can think of something else that might help beginners. Let me know if you have any questions, I'll be happy to address them. Happy learning!